Our Future

I was angry and confused.
You chose to leave me and that hurt.
So badly!
The thought of your early return got my
hopes higher than the moon.
But you decided to stay...
I didn't understand -- I felt betrayed.

     "I want to marry you.

      I want to spend the

     rest of my life with you"

You had never expressed that desire before.
That level of commitment.
I can think of nothing else.
I had no idea you've ever thought of our future in those terms.
I had doubts before but when I read those
words I knew.

I knew you finally realized what
I am really worth to you.
I knew you wanted to be the kind
of man that can always be there for me.
I knew you were thinking only of me.

Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.
Especially your heart.
I beg that statement to be true for us both.

I make no promises to you, and you know why.
I only promise to myself.
I promise myself to not lose the opportunity of you.
If you can do that for me, I will certainly do that for you.

I don't know how things will turn out...
But I so badly want The Future to be
Our Future

You Are

You are an amazing magnificent friend
Someone I can picture
Having a life with
Having kids with
Having happiness with

You are my one
Someday you will come back to me
I wait with patience until that day arrives
Wonderfully and joyfully I will hold you in my arms

You Wouldn't If You Could/ I Won't

You wouldn't be peaceful if you could
You wouldn't be accepting if you could
You wouldn't be kind if you could


A misguided misandrist who can not stand her own offspring
The weight of your contention could crush 20 of Mt. Everest stacked upon itself
With how abrasive you are you could sand the universe into dust.
Conflict is like oxygen to you. 
Without it, you would die.
And with the fabulous qualities of being
Autocratic and audacious on top of that,
No wonder none of your marriages have worked.


You wouldn't respect him if you could
You wouldn't treat him well if you could
You wouldn't care how your actions and words destroy him,
Not even if you wanted to


You demand respect?
Try giving it!!
You demand to be listened to?
Try listening


Children learn by example
Children become how you treat them
He learned from your example to treat others like they are worthless,
He learned from your example to act just like you.
He lacks motivation because you tear him down in everything he does.
He became the opposite of what you wanted because of you.


How he turned out is no one's responsibility but your own


You wouldn't considerate if you wanted to
You wouldn't be fair if you wanted to
You wouldn't do something for yourself before making him do it for you,
Not even if you wanted to


If something needs done, DO IT!
Don't bitch and whine for someone else to get it done.
In fact don't speak at all, the venom in your words might just kill us all


I won't respect you because, watching the way you treat others, I can't
You don't and won't ever deserve it.
I won't ever trust you
Because you act like everyone else is at fault when things don't work the way you want them to
Especially when no one is at fault but you.
I won't let you make him your scapegoat.


You need him more than you even know.
You always talk of how you want him gone,
But once he is, you will miss him dearly.
Maybe not for the person he is but at least for what he was to you --
A slave


He didn't ruin your life,
It's not his fault he was born, 
You were the one that made that decision.
I won't EVER respect someone who treats their child that way

I Believe in Magic

I believe in magic because in the deepest part of me I know it exists.
There's a different magic for everyone but everyone has to have some.
Magic is a sunset
Magic is a test tube
Magic is the way someones eyes crinkle when they sincerely smile
Magic is a machine running smoothly
Magic is something entirely impossible to explain because everyone feels it

But no one knows why

Too Much

I love you too much to let you go.
I need you in my life,
You are half of my whole.

I love you too much to keep you here.
Because we both know,
That's not gonna make us happy.

Torn between happiness and loss
We stand here in the middle.
The words "let's take a break"
Like a spear through our hearts.

"One more chance" Reverberates
through heavy solemnity.
The breath of life from a condemned
heart set free.

This time in somber reality because
only that will suffice.

I love you too much to let you go.
This captivity sets me free

Natural Dramatics

Lips: The color of black cherries

Eyes: Bright emerald or deep forest green

Hair: Dark chocolate

Skin: Pure iridescent white, soft and supple

Figure: Delicate and petite

I want to be natural dramatics

Self-affliction

It's only self-affliction, that's all it is.
The deep crimson and smell of rust, a remembrance.
Abysmal scars hidden along the frame of mind.

Why put up with the pain and destruction?
Masochistic, can it be?
No, just weak and insecure.

In shadowed corners the horrible creature of lust comes out.

That's the wrong kind of attention, you know.
But it's attention all the same.
"Will you still love me in the morning?"
They never loved you in the first place!
That could never be love

Can you break the cycle and heal the gaping wounds?


*SNAP*
One little cog in the head breaks under the pressure and the pain,
Starting a dismal domino effect of realization.
It's all up to you.
Fix it..
Fix it....
Fix it!

A change of perspective.
Do you finally love yourself now?
Progression

And he just makes everything easier.
Now that's real love.

YOU!

I have finally accepted it....
Finally accepted what I knew all along.
You are not good for me!

I love you so much it hurts.
But it's obvious you are not on the same level.
You were never good for me!

Stress, pain, anger...
I may be insecure but I just wish... I just wish you
were more understanding.

UGH YOU!
I guess the blame can go on me.
But only part of it.

Oh well.
I always knew this would end.
Because it was never healthy

Somewhere

I'd like to go somewhere that's nowhere alone with you.
I'd like to be with you in an absence of time,
so we don't have to worry about forever.
I'd like to talk and laugh there in your arms.
I just want to be with you

Only Another

I don't want just another to add to my list.
I don't want just another to kiss one day
who's gone the next.
I don't want just another to tell me what they
think I want to hear.
I don't want just another to tell me lies!

I want someone who is willing to hold me.
Through the easy times and the hard.
I want someone who will be straight up with
how they feel.
Someone who won't tell me something sweet
for the express purpose of using
my emotions to their
advantage

I don't want just another.
I want only one.
Only one that will give just as much as they get.
Only one that will love me for me.
Only one that I can love with all my heart.

I want that only one.