Over and over

An illusion created by a hopeful mind.
Concocting a reality that didn't exist.
Many parts were true but false assumptions
Clouded with emotion filled in the gaps.

I finally realize the relationship we actually have.
Not what I thought it was...
But still something to love.
Over and over I was hurt because I didn't see the big picture.
Maybe I didn't want to.
Maybe I refused.
But now I see what's going on between you and me.
I have changed my attitude toward the situation.
I can now accept things as they truly are.
Have a new happiness in realization.

The things that have hurt me in the past I have come to understand.
I know that I can not have things the way I wanted.
No longer hurt but not quite sure what to do.
We will work this out in time

Marred Happiness

Exciting, twitter-patting, fun!
A major change to something you've never experienced.
The first romantic relationship.
Getting caught up in that high school puppy love.
Your mind can only focus on them.
It's intoxicating, that feeling of happiness.

All your friends notice, how could they not?
You're happier in a different way than you've ever been.
Your happiness influences how they feel.
They're happy for you because they love you.
They want you to be happy.
And all is well.

But if you're not careful it can become something it's not.
Something all consuming and annoying.
Friends fade away and this new person in your life takes over.
All your loved ones feel forgotten.
As if you are completely oblivious to them.
They still want to be there for you.
Yet feel no support in return because your focus is elsewhere.

And you have no idea.
They do not want to ruin your happiness.
Your illusion of what's really going on.
So they keep silent.

I felt forgotten, abandoned, and unloved.
As if our friendship no longer meant anything to you.
You left me all alone and didn't even know.
Blinded by an attachment to another.
You leave your other friends in the dust.
They all feel it.
They all know.
But you can never understand.
You don't want to see.

Many bonds have been marred for the sake of another.
Every time it happens another connection is lost.
They may be reformed in the end but it will never be the same.
I miss the you I once knew but know this change is for the best.

The Princess

A fortress tall, strong, and intimidating with it's
Many ramparts and walls.
A maze of protection letting no weakness show.
An emotional safety built around insecurity
Meant to prevent pain that had been known before.
This dark and gloomy place surrounded by the
Bright, exciting, and natural beauty of the outdoors.

A dichotomy of feeling.
The two sides debating between themselves.
All is well when the beautiful landscape wins her over.
But when her admirable kingdom is besieged by outward powers
And influences she must retreat.
Take refuge in that great castle.
That safe place.

The atmosphere is stifling and dark.
It muffles all life to near non-existence.
Nothing enters, nothing leaves, and all is quiet.
It is almost as if she has completely disappeared.
But, she is there.
In her secluded center chambers.
She can cry until the tears stop and no one will know.
No one will see her failings.
They will only see the wondrous facade of the
Marvelous citadel grounds.

Her subjects still believe in her, rely on her, and trust her.
Implicitly and with all their hearts.
They know she will be there for them.
Supplying her great wisdom.
They feel her presence and need her essence.
A steady figure in their lives.
She is the ruling power and will forever be constant.

Sometimes she just wants to run.
To get away from the pressure of being relied upon.
But this is her life, her duty, and her love.
She will always be who she is and there is no way to change it.
She will accept her calling.
She will live up to the standard set for her.

Ruling her people is a breath of fresh air.
What she needed all along.

True friends

"You always make me feel so good about myself"

I know I can count on you to brighten even the darkest days.
When I feel alone and meaningless,
Like no one cares.
You make me feel significant in the best of ways.
Boost my self worth.

"I love how I can always turn to you for anything.
You're always there for me. It makes me feel so secure."

Never absent.
Someone to give support.
Someone to love you.
No matter what.
That is a true friend.

"People who I feel genuinely care about me all the time.
Not just when it's convenient for them."

"You have always been one of the people that is most
Special to me in my life. I don't think you realize how much I
Appreciate and love you."

I can never explain the great love I have for you.
That is what the most pure friendship is.
One of the greatest loves a person can know.

Have I ever been one to judge.
No. I can not for I know I have made mistakes myself.
I can only offer help, compassion, and sympathy when
The other is in need.
That is another aspect of friendship.
Never quick to condemn and only quick to love.

"And that is why you have always been one of my
Very best friends. Because I can do all of those things for you
And you are one of the only people that will return the favor."

Friendship is give-and-take.
Accepting the love from others is almost as important as giving it.
It can't be one sided.
At times some friends make me feel drained and worthless.
That is the farthest from true friendship and the farthest from what
You make me feel.
I feel replenished, accepted, and important when I talk to you.

"I've told you things I would tell no one else."

Sharing in confidence.
Knowing your words are safe.
The ability to say anything and to trust each other implicitly.
I know I have that protection around you.

A friend should be someone you would do anything for.
Someone you love to be around.
I could spend hours even days with you and never get bored.
Always have something to talk about.
You make me a better person by your example.
Even when you feel your worst.

I don't know how I came to deserve a friend like you.
Someone so memorable.
So precious.
You came into my life at the perfect time.
I needed you more than I could have known.
You are essential in my life.

These words do not come close to showing my gratitude.
But they are the best I can do.

Patchwork of Life (It's Hard)

Sometimes it's hard to know what others think of you.
Their opinion means so much.
You don't want it to but you know it has to.
That's a part of life.
You want them to love you, need you, respect you,
And so much more.
We need to earn all that but sometimes we can't do enough.

It's hard to lose someone you really love.
I have chosen to wander from some and inflict that
Pain upon them.
I feel terrible but am trying to mend those tears.
The rips I put in the fabric of life.
The stitching will be different.
The patch not the same.
A medley of fabrics that has become you.
I realize the faults in myself.
I really do and I want to improve.
I, however, may hurt many in the process.
And add my own stitching to their lives.

It's hard to have a wall between us.
I can't know how you feel and what you want if you don't talk.
I can't explain any misgivings you may have.
Any misconceptions.
I wish you would talk to me.
I just want to know you.
Why can't you let me in?
Do you realize that you have hurt me?
Did that ever cross your mind?
I know I've hurt you but you never said a word.
I found out from other sources.

It's so hard to want something
With only a vague promise or small hints in mind.
It hurts to wait.
Sometimes I lose hope.
I somehow feel it's my fault that you won't tell me more.
Something wrong with me that keeps you away.
Is it that hard to talk?
To tell me how you really feel?
That's all I want from you.

If you want me in your life,
Say so then Show me.
I feel like there is a double standard here.
You expect so much of me but will not return the favor.
At times it brings me to tears.
I can't understand what I do not know.

It's hard to change.
Even when we know we need to.
It's hard to put down our barriers.
It's hard to let someone in.
It's hard to accept the influence of others in your life.
Hard to feel the rips, the tears, the needle stitching.
But in the end it will create a beautiful quilt.