Just Be

I wish I could just be me
Not putting on any masks
Or smiles.
I'm happy being a spaz.
I'm happy being a loner.
I'm happy being a tease.
I'm happy being a friend.
I'm happy being all of these.
They are all different parts of me.

Sometimes I just wanna
Be hyper.
No I don't have mental
Problems.
No this isn't always me.
I just wanna play

Sometimes I just wanna
Be alone.
No I'm not sad.
No there is nothing wrong.
I just wanna be alone.

Sometimes I just wanna
Flirt.
No I'm not a slut.
No I'm not easy.
It's just for fun.

I always wanna be a
Friend.
No I'm not a fake.
No I won't try to hurt you.
I'm here to support you.
Just don't drag me down.

I'm happy being all of these.
But sometimes I don't know
Who I am.
Or what I want.
Even then I am me.

The Funeral

Decrepit, crooked, and withered
The last few hours waning nigh
It will come to a close.
The preparations already
Beginning.
Shutters being drawn.
Doors being closed.
Slowly all becomes silent.

But the old year does not
Die alone.
Boisterous celebrations
Accompany the heavy
Casket to the
Grave.
The weight of pain
The weight of sin
The weight of mistakes made
Falling into the gaping hole of
The past.
Letting go and moving on.

In comes the fresh
The new
And the un-spotted.
A clean slate to rewrite
The future.
A time to recommit
Reinvent
And remake
Yourself.

I am letting go
Of that which
Broke me.
I am embracing
That which
Strengthens me.

That's How Life Goes

Anger
Love
Sadness
Compassion
So many emotions
Swirling in and
Out of our lives,
Minds, and hearts.

Different situations
Bring out different
Sides of a multi-surfaced
Creature.
Such delicate forms of
The human mind
Becoming apparent
Through the
Experiences we have.

All our choices and actions
Are cumulative to an end.
We can give, take, reject advice.
Or even ignore it as a whole.
But in the end our thoughts
Achievements and even our
Failures bring about that
End.
That person we're meant to be.

Things will be thrown at us.
Things we never expected.
But that's how life goes.

People are so quick to
Judge.
Quick to assuming.
Quick to make a mold
For everyone to fit in.
But there's always
Something more.
Something deeper.
Things you'll never
See.
Unless you're willing
To get close.
Unless you're willing
To listen.

You can tell, with some
People,
If they have had a hard life.
Some people trials show on
Their face.
In their attitude.
In the way they treat life.
But others may seem perfect.
Like they've never been hurt.
These people certainly do know
Pain.
They are strong enough to not
Let it weigh them down.

It is hard to be strong.
Hard to put up with all the
Pain.
All the petty promises.
All the experiences that
Force you to grow.
Bitterness and anger
From the small tiffs and
From the real problems.
From family life.
From teenage drama.
All of it adds to the load.
But that's how life goes.

The strongest are those
That can still be happy.
And that's how life is lived.

I'm Not Yours

I'm not yours to
Hold.
I'm not yours to
Keep.
I'm not yours
Forever.

I can always
Make you happy.
And fill all your
Sweetest dreams.
But I'm not yours
Forever.
Not even while you
Sleep.

You return the
Favor.
Make me smile
When I need it
Most.

But I can never
Feel that way.

You're one of my
Best friends and
I love you more
Than almost all
Others.

But I can never
Feel that way.

I want to be the
One.
The one you call
Your own.
I know I could
Treat you right
And make you
Feel at home.
I know I could
Be the best
You've ever had

But I can never
Feel that way.
I'm not yours to
Hold.
I'm not yours to
Keep.
I'm not yours
Forever.
Not even while you
Sleep.

I am meant for
someone else...
I may not have
Found him yet.
But I know he is
Out there waiting.
The one that will
Hold my heart
And keep it safe
From harm.
The one that will
Hold me in his arms
Forever.
Sheltered, certain,
Calm.

I know you'll
Find that girl
Though you
Think that I'm
The one.
She's out there
Waiting for you.
To have you for
Her own.

I'll always be
Here for you.
Always be
Your friend.
I care about you
Deeply.
But I can not
Pretend.

My Crying Shoulder

We don't talk
Often and
We're not
Best friends
But you were
A great comfort
To me at a very
Difficult time.

I can not
Express
How thankful
I am for
Someone
Such as you
In my life.

You didn't
Even need to
Ask to know
I needed you.
You were more
Than willing to be
My crying shoulder.

You freely gave
A calm repose
For my stormy
Mind.
I felt lost and
You gave me hope.
I felt abandoned
And you showed me
Love and kindness.

You listened and
Best of all
Held me when I
Cried.
Your consolation
Helped me more
Than you can know.
You were someone I
Could turn to.

Those kind
Gestures
Giving me
Just the
Strength I
Needed

There are no words
Good enough to
Explain this
New found
Love and
Respect I have
For you.

Do you really?

You felt nothing...
I bore my heart
And you felt
Nothing...?

Shows how
Much you
Really care...

You're always
Lying.
Even if they're
Mostly white.
Would you just
Try to be
Straight forward
With me?

Shows how
Much you
Really care...

This beating
Around the bush
Holds me at bay.
I don't want to
Believe anything
You say

It's like you want
To hide from me...

"Just accept it"
I can't and I won't.
Not this time.
You want my
Trust?
You don't deserve it!!
You've lost it too
Many times before.

Shows how
Much you
Really care...

Do you really?
I think not.

Now I know

Left out
Now I know
Pushed out
Now I know
Excluded
Now I know
Lonely
Now I know
Unsure
Now I Know
In the dark
Now I Know
Confused
Now I know

Abandoned

All these feelings
I've felt before...
But never in
Quite this way.
It's new,
It's hard,
It's uncomfortable.
It seems to have
Already been
Played out

Standing next to me
You're somewhere else
Something's missing

Maybe it's my
Attitude...
How I choose to
React.
Maybe I should
Get over it...
That won't work.
Maybe I should
Talk about it...
But I don't
Trust you anymore

Lack of trust
Lack of trust
Lack of trust
It causes such a
Vicious cycle

The Darkness

A deep, dark,
Dismal shadow
Hauntingly
Seeps across the
Ground.
A large oil spill
Suffocating as
It spreads.
Choking out
Everything that
Lies in it's
Path.
The pain of death
Comes sickly
Slow.

Drowning out all
Light and
Hope.

Images of the
Past,
Silent stalkers
In the night.
Only emerging
When all
Other
Distraction is
Gone.
Flashing through
The mind like a
Silent picture show.
Bringing back all the
Pain, stupidity, and
Loneliness of
Decisions made

These mistakes
I've made.
These ghosts won't
Leave me.

I try to walk a path
To where I can live without
Regrets.
But these shadows from the
Past still follow me through life.


I wish I could forget

I wish I could forget

I wish I could

Forget

Stepping Aside

Is this something
I should do?
Let things come
Between me and
You?
I am in great
Conflict.
I don't know.

I feel like
Someone else is
Trying to take
"My" place.
I feel left out
And sometimes
Ignored.
Pushed out...
It's hard...
So hard.

When you're
With that
Special
Someone
All you can
Think about is
Them.
People have done
This before,
Let me go,
And I've always
Stepped aside.
Always given up.

But now I'm tired.
Mentally and emotionally,
Sometimes, just sometimes,
I wish I could win.
I wish I could get what
I want.

I want to take this
Path.
One step at a time.
But it seems like
There are too
Many heard steps
Ahead.
One way or another
Life moves on and
I must force
Myself to walk.

I gave up but
I wish I would
Win.
Just once I wish
I could win....

Drama

Hard,
Painful,
And stupid,
Right?
Yes.
All bad,
Right?
Not quite.

People that
Cause drama
Only hurt
Themselves.

But others
Have drama
Thrust upon
Them and
Try to solve it.
When handled
Well these things
Make us strong.
Every little fight
And misunderstanding
Help us learn.
Help us realize
How to treat others
As they would
Want to be
Treated.

Lies

Spiraling,
Building,
And escalating
Out of control.
Becoming
Something it's
Not meant to be.
Hurting feelings
And destroying
Trust.

That little five
Letter word...
So hard to
Build.
So easy to
Destroy.

Rebuilding
Becomes even
More difficult.
Shattered
Pieces must be
Found.
New things must
Be added.
But it will never
Be the same.
Taking the form of
Something new.
Hopefully it will be
Just as beautiful as
Before.

A Continuation

He loves me,
He loves me not.
She was torn and
Tired,
He loves me,
He loves me not.
Broken and bare.

And innocence
Replaced by
Knowledge and
Maybe even
Wisdom.

She grew up,
Became stronger.
But an unknown
Emptiness lingered.

That thing that
Ripped her apart
Now the thing
Holding her together

Now she can run and
Jump and play.
Just like the other
Kids on the
Playground.

An emptiness filled

She thought she had
Found the perfect
Friend.
Always there to
Play pretend.
Always there to
Laugh with.
A friend better
Than all the rest.

Then a terrible
Storm came and
Whisked her friend
Away.

The other kids
Were amazed and
Surprised by this
Sudden tempest.
They shared their
Toys and games
Trying to cheer
The saddened
Little girl.

She made some
New friends,
Good friends,
And maybe
Even the best.

When the storm
Subsided her
Friend came
Back on those
Fickle winds.

Things are
Different.
Trusts broken,
Pain caused,
And anger still
Remaining.
She's not
Prepared for the
Reparations
To be made.

She is young and
Inexperienced.
Fighting her way
Through the devastation
Caused on her
Pretty little park.
This friend no longer
The best.
Now she is lost.
Not knowing how to
Feel.

He's my friend,
Is he not?
A new take on that
He's my friend,
Is he not?
Childhood game.

He's my friend,
Is he not?
The overshadowing
He's my friend,
Is he not?
Cloud of doubt
He's my friend,
Is he not?
And emptiness
He's my friend,
Is he not?
Remains.

My One True Friend

You were my one true friend
The one person that
Always made me feel
Safe and loved.
I've never felt that
Connection with anyone
Before.


You made me so
Happy.
Not because I was
In love with you
But because I love you.
And I felt that
Love returned.
Even if you didn't
Express it often.

I had a stability
In you.
A friendship that
Was meant to be.

But, through unexpressed
Insecurity, I ruined it.
And now I hate myself
For causing both
Of us so much pain.

I still don't fully
Understand the situation...
But it becomes more
Clear to me as time
Goes on.

I realize I screwed up,
Messed up,
And ruined things...
But now I want to do
Everything I can to
Fix them.

That one true friend
I had and lost
Means more to me
Than anything
Else

I'm so sorry.
These words sound so
Cliche and over used.
They come no where
Close to expressing
What I feel.
But it is the only thing
I can think of to
Describe this feeling
Of regret and
Loneliness.

I hope you can forgive me

Letting Go ( you know where to find me)

We were once good friends.
We spent so much time
Growing closer.
I feel so hard.
I thought I wanted to be
With you forever.
But I'm sick of waiting.
Sick of hanging by
You little string.

We've just grown apart
Despite all my efforts.
I guess I wanted to believe.
I guess I was just in denial.
So now it's time.
I must move on
And have already.
Do you really want
My friendship?
It no longer seems you
Even want to talk to me...
It hurts me more than
I can say...
But I want to be free.
So now I must let
You go.

When you want to be
My friend again you
Know where to find me.

This New Crush Feeling

So Fun,
So Fast,
So Exhilarating.
The butterflies
Going wild
Every time I see you,
Hear your voice,
And every time we touch.
My stomach leaps
My heart soars
And I'm excited for every
Single day because
It's just one more
Chance to be with you.

I can't stop smiling.
I can't stop laughing.
I feel so light,
So happy
That I just
Want to dance.
This is something
Fresh.
Something I haven't
Felt in a while.
I can't wait to be
With you again.

I love this new crush feeling!

Broken Friendships and Broken Hearts

Miscommunication, Misunderstanding
We haven't known each other long enough
We just didn't click
But even he didn't expect this out of you

I was in a similar position at one time
I wonder if I acted the same...
My point of view is very different now
I see that it never was worth it.
I wonder if you'll ever see

Possessive, resentful, and angry...
Is it frustration or something more?
A side never seen before
Manipulative and scheming

You disliked our friendship
You feel I'm trying to take him from you
You were accepting until I "interfered" with
Your agenda
You don't want to understand
You put all the blame on me

Two friendships ruined and it's
Not my fault.
Something simple became too
Complicated.
Pain has been inflicted on all involved.
You're not the victim here

I tried to be there for you
I thought you trusted me
But all along you hated me.
You lied when I asked.
I tried to give you support
And you jumped to conclusions.
Assumed things.
Didn't even talk to me.

You say I'm two faced
Selfish.
Really do you see?
Do you try to understand?
You closed off and
Shut me out.
What do you expect from me?
Do you want me to give him up?
Change for you?
Someone I hardly even know?
Who is selfish now?
Who is two faced now?

I did nothing to change his mind.
He liked you for you
But then
You changed
You showed a side he had never
Seen before.
You changed his mind for him.

You broke your own heart
And your own friendships.
You're not the only one that's
Been hurt.

The Little Things

Simple, easy, light, and
Almost unnoticed these
Gestures of trust and love
Welcomed with Open arms

This poem is for Elizabeth.
I hope it fits on a mug :)

Blood Turns Black

Fresh and crisp it seeps out red.
Flowing fast at first then slowing as it clots.
An almost unbearable pain accompanying.
Slowly it heals and scars
But many more appear.
Caused by different things
All equally painful.

These are the cuts that hurt the most.
They are the deepest.
These emotional scars.

How you live

Flowers, wilted and falling, once bursting with life and love.
When they lose their vibrance they are no longer beautiful, right?
Discarded and forgotten, lonely in the corner.
Or turning to dust in your hands.
This is the attitude of some.
Once something starts to go wrong it is no longer worth it.
They dwindle and fade.
Become unrecognizable in their depression.
Something formerly admirable and full of the ardor life.
Never to emerge again.
The light of the sun, of happiness, of existence gone from their demeanor.
A constant pity party or the want of death fills their view.

Flowers, wilted and falling, once bursting with life and love.
When they lose their vibrance they are no longer beautiful, right?
Wrong, say others.
This is the time of utmost importance in preserving that delicacy forever.
The flowers can be hung or pressed.
Never to be abandoned.
When things start to fall apart they can keep composure.

Life is all about attitude and perspective.
I admire some of my friends for their ability to have a positive attitude,
Even when everything is going wrong.
Others of my friends, I have pity on.
As soon as one thing in their life goes wrong they fall to pieces.
Fall to cutting, fall to suicidal thoughts, fall to nothing.
Only those willing to change their frame of mind can be helped.

Those who do not focus on the little things but see the bigger picture are happier.
Those who want to be happy will be.

Over and over

An illusion created by a hopeful mind.
Concocting a reality that didn't exist.
Many parts were true but false assumptions
Clouded with emotion filled in the gaps.

I finally realize the relationship we actually have.
Not what I thought it was...
But still something to love.
Over and over I was hurt because I didn't see the big picture.
Maybe I didn't want to.
Maybe I refused.
But now I see what's going on between you and me.
I have changed my attitude toward the situation.
I can now accept things as they truly are.
Have a new happiness in realization.

The things that have hurt me in the past I have come to understand.
I know that I can not have things the way I wanted.
No longer hurt but not quite sure what to do.
We will work this out in time

Marred Happiness

Exciting, twitter-patting, fun!
A major change to something you've never experienced.
The first romantic relationship.
Getting caught up in that high school puppy love.
Your mind can only focus on them.
It's intoxicating, that feeling of happiness.

All your friends notice, how could they not?
You're happier in a different way than you've ever been.
Your happiness influences how they feel.
They're happy for you because they love you.
They want you to be happy.
And all is well.

But if you're not careful it can become something it's not.
Something all consuming and annoying.
Friends fade away and this new person in your life takes over.
All your loved ones feel forgotten.
As if you are completely oblivious to them.
They still want to be there for you.
Yet feel no support in return because your focus is elsewhere.

And you have no idea.
They do not want to ruin your happiness.
Your illusion of what's really going on.
So they keep silent.

I felt forgotten, abandoned, and unloved.
As if our friendship no longer meant anything to you.
You left me all alone and didn't even know.
Blinded by an attachment to another.
You leave your other friends in the dust.
They all feel it.
They all know.
But you can never understand.
You don't want to see.

Many bonds have been marred for the sake of another.
Every time it happens another connection is lost.
They may be reformed in the end but it will never be the same.
I miss the you I once knew but know this change is for the best.

The Princess

A fortress tall, strong, and intimidating with it's
Many ramparts and walls.
A maze of protection letting no weakness show.
An emotional safety built around insecurity
Meant to prevent pain that had been known before.
This dark and gloomy place surrounded by the
Bright, exciting, and natural beauty of the outdoors.

A dichotomy of feeling.
The two sides debating between themselves.
All is well when the beautiful landscape wins her over.
But when her admirable kingdom is besieged by outward powers
And influences she must retreat.
Take refuge in that great castle.
That safe place.

The atmosphere is stifling and dark.
It muffles all life to near non-existence.
Nothing enters, nothing leaves, and all is quiet.
It is almost as if she has completely disappeared.
But, she is there.
In her secluded center chambers.
She can cry until the tears stop and no one will know.
No one will see her failings.
They will only see the wondrous facade of the
Marvelous citadel grounds.

Her subjects still believe in her, rely on her, and trust her.
Implicitly and with all their hearts.
They know she will be there for them.
Supplying her great wisdom.
They feel her presence and need her essence.
A steady figure in their lives.
She is the ruling power and will forever be constant.

Sometimes she just wants to run.
To get away from the pressure of being relied upon.
But this is her life, her duty, and her love.
She will always be who she is and there is no way to change it.
She will accept her calling.
She will live up to the standard set for her.

Ruling her people is a breath of fresh air.
What she needed all along.

True friends

"You always make me feel so good about myself"

I know I can count on you to brighten even the darkest days.
When I feel alone and meaningless,
Like no one cares.
You make me feel significant in the best of ways.
Boost my self worth.

"I love how I can always turn to you for anything.
You're always there for me. It makes me feel so secure."

Never absent.
Someone to give support.
Someone to love you.
No matter what.
That is a true friend.

"People who I feel genuinely care about me all the time.
Not just when it's convenient for them."

"You have always been one of the people that is most
Special to me in my life. I don't think you realize how much I
Appreciate and love you."

I can never explain the great love I have for you.
That is what the most pure friendship is.
One of the greatest loves a person can know.

Have I ever been one to judge.
No. I can not for I know I have made mistakes myself.
I can only offer help, compassion, and sympathy when
The other is in need.
That is another aspect of friendship.
Never quick to condemn and only quick to love.

"And that is why you have always been one of my
Very best friends. Because I can do all of those things for you
And you are one of the only people that will return the favor."

Friendship is give-and-take.
Accepting the love from others is almost as important as giving it.
It can't be one sided.
At times some friends make me feel drained and worthless.
That is the farthest from true friendship and the farthest from what
You make me feel.
I feel replenished, accepted, and important when I talk to you.

"I've told you things I would tell no one else."

Sharing in confidence.
Knowing your words are safe.
The ability to say anything and to trust each other implicitly.
I know I have that protection around you.

A friend should be someone you would do anything for.
Someone you love to be around.
I could spend hours even days with you and never get bored.
Always have something to talk about.
You make me a better person by your example.
Even when you feel your worst.

I don't know how I came to deserve a friend like you.
Someone so memorable.
So precious.
You came into my life at the perfect time.
I needed you more than I could have known.
You are essential in my life.

These words do not come close to showing my gratitude.
But they are the best I can do.

Patchwork of Life (It's Hard)

Sometimes it's hard to know what others think of you.
Their opinion means so much.
You don't want it to but you know it has to.
That's a part of life.
You want them to love you, need you, respect you,
And so much more.
We need to earn all that but sometimes we can't do enough.

It's hard to lose someone you really love.
I have chosen to wander from some and inflict that
Pain upon them.
I feel terrible but am trying to mend those tears.
The rips I put in the fabric of life.
The stitching will be different.
The patch not the same.
A medley of fabrics that has become you.
I realize the faults in myself.
I really do and I want to improve.
I, however, may hurt many in the process.
And add my own stitching to their lives.

It's hard to have a wall between us.
I can't know how you feel and what you want if you don't talk.
I can't explain any misgivings you may have.
Any misconceptions.
I wish you would talk to me.
I just want to know you.
Why can't you let me in?
Do you realize that you have hurt me?
Did that ever cross your mind?
I know I've hurt you but you never said a word.
I found out from other sources.

It's so hard to want something
With only a vague promise or small hints in mind.
It hurts to wait.
Sometimes I lose hope.
I somehow feel it's my fault that you won't tell me more.
Something wrong with me that keeps you away.
Is it that hard to talk?
To tell me how you really feel?
That's all I want from you.

If you want me in your life,
Say so then Show me.
I feel like there is a double standard here.
You expect so much of me but will not return the favor.
At times it brings me to tears.
I can't understand what I do not know.

It's hard to change.
Even when we know we need to.
It's hard to put down our barriers.
It's hard to let someone in.
It's hard to accept the influence of others in your life.
Hard to feel the rips, the tears, the needle stitching.
But in the end it will create a beautiful quilt.

The Coming of the Frost

A crisp scent on the
Air.
Colors changing.
Brisk, invigorating, And clear
Fall comes.
The thick smell of wood-burning
Fireplaces infusing into the atmosphere.

A gradual change almost not noticed
Slowly creeping over the land,
Silent and watchful,
The first hint of the beautiful crystals to come
Lurks in with the fading light.

Memories accompany the
change in season.
Things of the past.
Remembrance.
This time of year is all about the
Ancient things.
Traditions of the past.
A time to ponder and understand.
A peaceful time.
A time to slow down.
The coming of the frost brings
A whole new world.

My Prince Charming

One girl and one
Boy meeting at
A wondrous ball.
She, so beautiful.
He in awe.
What was it that
Drew him to her?
The look in her eyes?
The way she carried herself?

So suddenly and deeply
They feel in love.
How is something like that
Possible?
Love at first sight?
Soul mates?
I think not.
There must be more,
So much more.
To this story.

Every girl day-dreams about
Finding her prince and
Living happily ever after.
Is that what they achieved?

I want to find my prince.
My knight on a white horse.
The one I'm meant to be with.
I, however, am not going to find him
At a ball.
There will be no elegant gowns.
No stately stairs.
No gliding and twirling across the floor.
The night will not end in mystery
With only a shoe.
This leaves too much to chance.
So much room for a miss-step.

When I find my prince I won't need a
Dance floor to glide across.
I will be floating on air.
I won't need a fancy gown to leave
Him in awe.
He'll have eyes only for me no
Matter what I wear.
It will not be guess work.

When I find him,
If I haven't already,
We will have the story
Cinderella missed out on.
We'll have the imperfections,
Inconsistencies, and problems.
We'll have something so real.
I don't want the a fantasy love
Story.
I want true love that, despite flaws,
Really will last forever.

I want my happily ever after and
I'm prepared to wait.

My emo re-write of You Are My Sunshine

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and cried

I live for you dear, and only you dear
I can not take this anymore
You'll never know dear how much you hurt me
Please just take this pain away

You broke my heart dear, all into pieces
You left it bleeding in my hands
If you must leave me, please don't deceive me
For I will surely die

My wrists are bleeding, I stopped believing
That we were ever meant to be
How could I have been dependent on you
For all my happiness

Luminescence

Soft and shimmering
Silent and smoldering.
Deep and taunting.
Colors changing
Like a gem seen in a
Different light.
Showing each emotion
Better than any other
Feature.
Some passing quickly
Others to linger.

One emotion is not
Easy to mistake.
Some call it a glow.
I see it when
Just one thought
Of that special someone
Crosses your mind.
Everyone looks better
With that glow.

It is the look of pure joy.
Stronger than anything else.
Words can not
Describe it.
You can not hide
The shine in your eyes.

Only something or
Someone you truly
Love can bring out your
Personal luminescence.
The most cherished happiness.

Forever

This, life, is a process in which nothing is certain.
Forever is a word that has so much meaning but we,
Who have not experienced it, can not comprehend it.
It is something beyond our grasp. Unfathomable.

Therefore how can you say something will last forever?
People change so frequently it is impossible to tell.
You may feel one way one day and completely different the next.
I was not naive enough to think we would be friends forever.
I've lost many good friends through my own folly as well as that of others.
People grow together just the same as they grow apart.
Some relationships last longer than others.
However, they can never stay the same from day to day.
The purpose of life is to grow and change.

We have grown apart and it kinda hurts.
But I know someone different will come into my life.
Too fast, too soon.
We really didn't know each other at all.
I wish things had gone differently but I can't change the past.

We are starting to come together.
Differently than before but somehow the same.
We had our rough patches.
But we seem to have over come them.
We have something better than we had before.
Looks like we still have a place in each others lives.
You are now one of my best friends when, at one point,
We couldn't stand each other.

Most of my friends have come and gone but a few, as of now,
Have stayed constant.
Are always there.
I'm going to make the most of every friendship while it lasts.

Comfortable Silence

I feel like a wind-up
Brittney doll around most.
Someone to entertain at
Their beck and call.
Just pull the string and
Off I go, hours of laughs.
When they're done down they
Drop me into that dark corner
Of the Nursery
They with something
Better to do and I
Left to gather dust
Until someone needs a
Pick-me-up
I feel so fake but,
For the most part,
I know I'm not.

I am Craving that
Silence.
Not that achingly out of
Place silence but that
Silence full of understanding.
That comfortable silence.

Sitting next to each other
Without a word
Exchanging smiles

Kicking our feet
Completely at ease

Listening to music on
Our way home

Sitting on your front
Lawn eating grapes

The silent moments, the
Quiet moments, and the
Few times I actually
Express myself
Keep me sane.
Those little moments with
My best friends
Keep me real.
Let me know I am
Valued by at least a
Few for more than
Their own entertainment.

Sick

With Everything you
Say and do I lose
Another bit of
Respect for you.
Immature, Self-centered,
Over-dramatic,
Opinionated, and down
Right Rude.
Making life harder for
Yourself and those
Who try to love you.

You refuse to see the
Big picture.
The Real picture.
Do you do this to get
Attention?
Is it to see you cares?
I'm sick of it.
Everyone is!
Stop pretending!
Stop playing these
Games!
You hurt everyone
Around you.
How can you not see?
Or maybe you choose
Not to.

Friendship is a two
Way thing.
I may be a friend to
You but you a certainly
Not a friend to me.

I am

I am
Versatile
Adaptable
A constant
Aide
So many
Things fit
Into one

Confident
Strong
Wise
Knowledgeable
Wise
Outgoing
Caring
And so
Much more.
That is what
I am for
Others

I am
Here for
You a
Pillar of
Positive
Strength.
Always
Willing to
Help.

I give
Encouragement
and
Enlightenment
To all I can

I observe and
Understand
More than
You'll
Ever know

I am
Relied
Upon to
Remedy
Any situation.
I quickly and
Efficiently
Perform my
Duty.
But I
Feel I
Stand
Alone at this
Task
Insecure,
Confused, and
Lost.
Feeling
Used and
Unappreciated
By my
Peers.

Very few
Make me
Feel
Loved and
Wanted
Even when
They
Do not
Need my
Help.

Those I
Thank.
Those I
Love.
Those I
Will do
Anything for.

My Frustrations

Feelings of
Discontent I
Can't quite
Shake.
Present in
Daily life but
For the most
Part Ignored or
Unnoticed.

Maybe it's
Just me.
Maybe I
Need to get
Over it.
I wish I could.
I miss you
I need you.
You're slowly
Drifting away
From my
Warm
Embrace.

I feel I am
Losing you,
If only for
A short while,
In the
Dangerously
Fast current of
Life.

My Perception is
You are already
Gone.
You don't seem to
Wish to come
Back to me.
Your Perception is
Nothing has Changed.

But still I
Feel it.
That
Unfathomable
Connection.
Superficially
Fading but
Still Present and
Strong in the
Reality of it.

Don't let Them
Change you.
Be who you
Truly are.
That is the
Person I
Made a spot
For in my Life
And only you can
Fill it.

Beholder

They seem to
Love them.
For why?
My funny
Little quirks?
Odd little
Habits?
Why?

Your smile
Your personality
Your laugh

So many small
Things add up
To feelings of
More than
Friendship.
Things some
Find annoying
but apparently
Some find
Endearing.

Beauty really is
In the
Eye of the
Beholder.
Based on the
Perspective and
Experiences of the
Beholder in
Question.

Beauty is an
Outward
Appearance
As much as an
Inward
Quality.

The world
Focuses on the
Outside but to
Really Love and
Not only Lust
The heart, mind, and
Soul need to be
Taken into account.

They see my soul,
Hear my heart, and
Understand that I can
Be everything
For them
But they do not
Understand
They can not
Be everything for me.

Enough

I don't
Find myself
Worthy of the
Praise I
Receive

I do not
Realize the
Amazing
Qualities I
Posses

I only see
The harm
I've caused
In my own
Life.
I see the
Things in me
They will
Never
Know about

I have
My Struggles
and
My demons.
They taint my
Self-image

I know I can
Conquer them

I want to
Become the
Example to
Myself that I
Am for Others

I want to let
That Example
Take me
Over,
Change me, and
Become me.

Modern

We have so
Much they Didn't
Have in the
Past

Electricity,
Internet,
Cell phones,
Anything and
Everything
Possible to
Make life
Easier and more
Efficient

But even
These
Amazing
Conveniences May
Become a
Hindrance

They can
Distort Human
Communication.
Influence our
Lives so
Much that
We no longer
Know how to
Interact

They can make
Us Lazy.
When Presented
With a
Real Challenge
We will fail.

We are Alone
In our
Small small
World

We have
Secluded
Ourselves
Given ourselves
Over to the
Latest Technologies.
We are destroying
Our Humanity

Knowing

There is
Something
Beyond
Knowledge,
Beyond
Books,
Beyond
Everyday life

It is a Part
Yet Separate
The distinction
Cloudy but Clear

I can
Feel it at
The Tip of
My fingers,
My tongue,
My mind,
and I can't
Quite
Grasp it.
I want to
Tenderly
Wrap my
Arms
Around it and
Never
Let it go

I want that
Clarity of
Mind,
That peace of
Being
I want that
Knowledge
Beyond
Knowledge

Knowing isn't
Enough
Any longer
I want and
Need More

Finding Me

I'm not
Lost.
No but
There are
Parts of me...
Parts of me I haven't
Necessarily
Found

There but
Not fully Realized

I need to
Rediscover,
Reinvent, and
Recapture
The Person I
Know is there

I vaguely
Hear her
Thoughts and
See her Dreams
I know
She's there that
Real me

I know I
Must bring her to
Her full potential

Break through the
Stereotypes
Placed on me
That I have
Slowly
Come to
Believe

I have
Formed to Fit
The Mold
Placed upon me

That is not me
It Can't
Ever
Be

The time has
COme to
Figure out
Who I am,
What I stand for, and
Where I want to be

Feelings Into Words

Abstract
Thoughts,
Crazy
Connections,
Collide to
Form
Something
Meaningful,
Pen to
Paper it all
Flows out

My Heart and
Soul so
Simply Stated on the
Page
Yet so
Complex in
Underlying Meanings

The Multifaceted
Words
Saying so
Much,
Shouting my
Feelings
to the
World

This is my
Outlet
My
Release.
The only way to
Express
Who I really am

That is
What my
Poetry
Means to me

Realties

We have
Created a
World of
Our Own.
Our Own
Individual
Worlds and
The World
Society has
Created for
Us

We get so
Caught up
In this
Fabrication
We don't
See the
Real World
Around us

The Real
World He
Created for
Us

Nothing we
Can do will
Come Close
To His
Masterpiece

Nature is
Real.
The Cruelties
and Beauty of
Nature more
Real than
Anything
Else.
Unfathomable
In it's Majesty

The Fast
Pace of
Humanity
Suffocating,
Crushing, and
Destroying
Our Sense of
Being

How have we
Diverted so
Far from the
Path?

How do we
Get Back?

What will it
Take to
Knock some
Much
Needed
Sense into our
Heads?

The Connection

I can't
Find the
Words or
Courage to
Tell you

Growing
Stronger with
Every
Word,
Look, and
Touch

I've Never
Felt Anything
Quite like
This Before

Do you
Feel it too?

The Look in
Your Eyes,
The Smile on
Your Face,
The Way you
Respond to my
Touch
Tell me
All I
Need to
Know

A Special thing

Something so
Real it's
Almost
Tangible

Wake Up to the Beating of Your Heart

I did not
Realize but
Now I do
How much
This has
Hurt you

It Brought me
Joy, at first,
But that
Shadow of
Doubt was
There.
More than a
Sliver,
It tore me
Apart.

That soft
*Thump Thump*
Deep inside...
I Shut it out
Locked it up and
Hid it
Far away from
Me

I knew it
Wouldn't be
Long before
It found me
Again,
Telling me
"You're not
Where you are
Meant to be"

I Lost that
Guide,
I chose my own
Way, and
Only when It is
Gone do I
See how much I
Need it.

My eyes are
Open,
My ears can
Hear,
The way is
Clear to me, and
I know what I
Must do.

Goodbye

What do You Admire Most?

Everyone has their
Best and
Worst
Qualities
With some
In Between

The most
Admirable
At times the
Least
Noticed.
Purpose,
Self Discipline, and
Respect
Creating an
Immovable
Base for
All others

Knowledge of
What you
Want and a
Strong
Desire to
Get it.
That is
Purpose

The Ability to
Work as
Hard as
Needed to
Achieve your
Goal.
That is
Self Discipline

Acknowledging the
Differences in others
Without
Judgment
That is
Respect

It is
Hard to
See These
Qualities in
Yourself
Sometimes
But others
See them,
Or Lack of,
In
Everything
You do.

Pictures of Me

I know a
Certain me
That others
Can't see

Pictures
All in
Perfect
Order
Reminding
Me of
Who I
Am

In Places
There were
Gaps I
Would have
Never
Seen
If it
Weren't for
You

You Gave me
The Snapshots
I needed to
Complete the
Set.

Each New set
Showing me
Something
I haven't
Noticed.
Giving me
A Glimpse of
What the
World sees

Sometimes
Horrific
Sometimes
Fantastic
Always New
Insight
Into the
Real Me

Opportunities to
Grow and
Progress from the
Photos I
Receive

Adding Pictures to
Make the
Me I
Want to
See

Breakup Lessons

Diamonds
Slowly roll
Down the
Soft Contours of
Her Lovely
Face and
Shatter on the
Floor

Many Promises made
All of them Broken.
Promises that
Couldn't have been
Kept in the
First Place

Telling you what you
Want to
Hear to be the
Guy you think you need.

Falling
Deeper and
Deeper
Thinking they
Feel the
Same.

Giving them a
Piece of you,
Trusting them
More than
Anything.

That most
Important
Piece
Returned in a
Condition you
Didn't Expect.

Scuffed up,
Torn up,
Jagged, and
Broken.

But it's
Fixable.
It can be
Put back to its
Original Luster
With a few
Small Marks.
Reminding you,
Teaching you, and
Most of all to
Give you
Hope.

Hope that
Next time
You can be
A little
Smarter.
Hope that
You'll see
Through the
Liars,
Players,
Cheaters, and
Users to
Find the
One you
Really do
Need
The one you
Can't live
Without.

Nightmare Island

That fateful night was dark and stormy. The boat was supposed to be indestructible but it obviously wasn't. It was the end of life as I know it and the beginning of my nightmare.

My name is Sam and I'm a normal 17 year old boy. I'm from California and just love chillin' on the beach with my friends. My mom just had to go and ruin all my summer plans by planning a family trip. Oh joy. Shoot me now. Anyway, she decided that we should take a cruise. Seriously? A cruise? Oh well. I guess I'll suffer through it knowing that all her other schemes to ruin my social life haven't worked... Yet.

The soft sound of waves crashing against the boat, the gentle rocking, and the low whistling wind all seemed to grow in intensity. Slowly the sound engulfed the ship and became louder. Suddenly alarm bells started ringing. "What's going on?" whined Secily, waking up to this ear piercing sound.

"I don't know sweety." my mom cooed trying to keep my little sister from throwing a fit. "Grab your jacket and we will go find out."

When we walked out into the corridor everyone was running and we heard jumbled screams.
"What's going on?!"
"The ship is sinking!!"

"Sam! Where is your father?!" panicked my mother
"I don't know mom!" I shouted above the noise as I started looking around for him.
"Sadie! Sam! Secily! Here I am!" I heard my fathers voice. "I got us a life boat! Hurry!"
"Oh Steve! I'm so glad we found you!" My mom sobbed.
Secily was crying this whole time. She was only five and didn't understand what was happening. We all squished onto the life raft with the other occupants and then let it lose. As we paddled away from the boat I thought I saw something huge swimming in the water underneath it. Something huge and gruesome. I shut that thought out of my mind and focused only on the self appointed leader of our raft as he yelled directions, "Stroke! Stroke! A little more power on the left!" I needed to drown out my on setting shock for just a little while longer.




The soft light of morning reached my eyes, "Wow what a dream that was." I thought to myself. "Why is my bed so hard? Why are my muscles so sore? And what the freakin heck is that noise?" I slowly opened my eyes and saw that I was certainly not in California anymore. The events of the night before nagging on my mind, not quite clear enough to remember yet. As I looked around sore and stiff I saw the broken life raft, scattered bits of debris, and the few signs of human life, the clouds in my mind cleared and I remembered it all. The ship sinking, the (hopefully) imagined creature, the hours of rowing, and finally collapsing in the sand from exhaustion.

I never got around to finishing this but I figure I'll post it and finish it later

Apocalyptic

He loves me,
He loves me not.
Running

He loves me,
He loves me not.
Playing

He loves me,
He loves me not.
Laughing

He loves me,
He loves me not.
Simplicity

He loves me,
He loves me not.
But,

He loves me,
He loves me not.
She's sitting all
Alone

He loves me,
He loves me not.
Petals Falling

He loves me,
He loves me not.
A game of Chance,
Indecision,
the Unknown,
and it's Over

Stems Scattered,
Petals Withered, and
She is still
Alone
That Fateful piece of
Life
Frozen in her
Hand

Childhood Huntings

Lost
Somethings you
Can't get back
Gone
Never to be
Found

Childhood,
Friends,
Memories, and
Innocence can
Disappear
Almost without
Notice

Gradually or
Instantaneously

Experience is the only
Constant.
Always
Learning,
Growing, and
Developing.

Replacing the missing things,
Filling the Gaps.

Dreams

Sometimes I
Wonder,
Can I live
Another
Life
Through my
Dreams?

Adventure,
Love,
Passion,
The "Impossible".
Anything and
Everything
Can and
Will happen

The subconscious is
Realized

Deepest Thoughts and
Feelings Revealed.
The unknown
Desires and
Ambitions of the
Heart
Uncovered

At times it can
Mean Nothing
But, More Often
Than Not
It Does

Suicide

Blood
Dripping,
Creeping,
Crawling
Down the
Ridged
Stripes on her
Arms

Cutting
Deeper and
Deeper
Each time

The Blood
Keeps Flowing
Faster,
Thicker
But the
Tears have
Stopped

Stopped
Forever

No more
Tears
No more
Blood
No more
Pain

15 Lines

A piece of
Glass
Shredded
Hands

Pain,
What Pain?
Nonexistent
At the Time

Pushing
Harder and
Harder
Yet still no
Blood and
Still no
Pain

Only 15
No more

The Sting
Came Later.

Painful?
Yes but
Only in
Movement

The Pain
Came late
But it
Definitely came
As Pain
Always will

Blown Off

Blown off
Pissed off
Ugh!
He's such a
Jerk

I thought I
Wanted him
I thought he
Wanted me

Over and
Over I
Fall for
His
Flirtatious Crap

"Yo. You wanna
Chill tonight?"
"Sure"
"What do you
Wanna do?"
"Your choice"
"Down for
Anything?"
"Almost"
"Good"

20 minutes goes by
"So we gonna
Hang or not?"
Another 20
"Fine. Don't talk to me.
I'm goin' to bed."

Blown off
Pissed off
Ugh!
I'm such and
Idiot

Unanswered Questions

Lonely
It's times like these
I don't understand.
Alone
The sea of people is
Suffocating.
Sinking
Deeper.
Deeper into the
Darkness


The only one that can
Help comes and
Goes as he Pleases.
Not realizing the
Affect he has on me
How can my
Feelings for
One person
Influence me
More than
Any other
Ever has?


He doesn't know
(How could he know?)
He holds my
Heart in his
Hands.
Only him.


Denial doesn't help
I will have to
Admit, in the end,
I love him.
I Always have

Together
Are we meant to be?
Can he possibly ever
Feel the same?
Does he love me?
Another love?
A better love?
I think I know
But
I've been
Wrong before

Book Smarts and
Stolen Wisdom
Can't help me now

Building From the Basics

ABC
Letters
Form to
Words,
Sentences,
Paragraphs,
On and on.
Novels, Poems,
Essays and
So much
More


123
Numbers
Become
Larger
456
And they
Continue to
Infinity


Baby
Child
Adolescent
Progress to
Adulthood


You can
Write and Say
Anything with
Words.
All it takes is
A-Z.
You can
Make them
Mean something,
Change them,
Use them,
Reuse them,
Anything


You can Count
Anything with
Numbers.
You only need
Ten characters
0-9
To make
Hundreds,
Thousands,
Millions, or
More


One person has
Only one Life.
What they do
With it is
Their
Choice


Build it up or
Tear it down.
Make it
Mean Something.
You can Change
It for the
Future
While in the
Present
But you can't
Change the
Past.


You can
Influence
Countless
Numbers with
Your
Knowledge.
For Good or Bad


The Basics of
Language and
Measurement
Have Always
Been and
Always will be
Here.
But you--
You won't be


You have
One Life
One Chance
One Opportunity to
Change Yourself and
Influence Others


Add
Multiply and
Punctuate
Your Life!
Make it mean
Something
Anything


Make aDifference

Left Out

It might make you
Sound like a
Bad person,
You may
Feel like a
Terrible
Friend,
But
You're not


All you
Want and
Need is
Understanding,
Respect, and
Inclusion.

That isn't too
Much to
Ask for,
But when it
Feels like it is
Confusion and
Frustration are
Natural
Reactions.

Anger will
Typically
Follow

You're Angry with
Those you
Care about.
They don'tDeserve this,
You tell yourself.
So, you shift
The Blame.

You Blame
Yourself for
"Unwarranted"
Feelings


You don't
Deserve this
Either.

It's not your
Fault.