Too Much

I love you too much to let you go.
I need you in my life,
You are half of my whole.

I love you too much to keep you here.
Because we both know,
That's not gonna make us happy.

Torn between happiness and loss
We stand here in the middle.
The words "let's take a break"
Like a spear through our hearts.

"One more chance" Reverberates
through heavy solemnity.
The breath of life from a condemned
heart set free.

This time in somber reality because
only that will suffice.

I love you too much to let you go.
This captivity sets me free

Natural Dramatics

Lips: The color of black cherries

Eyes: Bright emerald or deep forest green

Hair: Dark chocolate

Skin: Pure iridescent white, soft and supple

Figure: Delicate and petite

I want to be natural dramatics

Self-affliction

It's only self-affliction, that's all it is.
The deep crimson and smell of rust, a remembrance.
Abysmal scars hidden along the frame of mind.

Why put up with the pain and destruction?
Masochistic, can it be?
No, just weak and insecure.

In shadowed corners the horrible creature of lust comes out.

That's the wrong kind of attention, you know.
But it's attention all the same.
"Will you still love me in the morning?"
They never loved you in the first place!
That could never be love

Can you break the cycle and heal the gaping wounds?


*SNAP*
One little cog in the head breaks under the pressure and the pain,
Starting a dismal domino effect of realization.
It's all up to you.
Fix it..
Fix it....
Fix it!

A change of perspective.
Do you finally love yourself now?
Progression

And he just makes everything easier.
Now that's real love.

YOU!

I have finally accepted it....
Finally accepted what I knew all along.
You are not good for me!

I love you so much it hurts.
But it's obvious you are not on the same level.
You were never good for me!

Stress, pain, anger...
I may be insecure but I just wish... I just wish you
were more understanding.

UGH YOU!
I guess the blame can go on me.
But only part of it.

Oh well.
I always knew this would end.
Because it was never healthy

Somewhere

I'd like to go somewhere that's nowhere alone with you.
I'd like to be with you in an absence of time,
so we don't have to worry about forever.
I'd like to talk and laugh there in your arms.
I just want to be with you

Only Another

I don't want just another to add to my list.
I don't want just another to kiss one day
who's gone the next.
I don't want just another to tell me what they
think I want to hear.
I don't want just another to tell me lies!

I want someone who is willing to hold me.
Through the easy times and the hard.
I want someone who will be straight up with
how they feel.
Someone who won't tell me something sweet
for the express purpose of using
my emotions to their
advantage

I don't want just another.
I want only one.
Only one that will give just as much as they get.
Only one that will love me for me.
Only one that I can love with all my heart.

I want that only one.

On Strings

My heart hangs by fragile strings.
Combined, they hold up quite well
keeping my heart in place.

The you come into my life with your
pretty little scissors.
Oh how skilled you are at using those
sharpened blades.
I let you take those strings into your
dangerously appealing hands.
Even though I knew
(Oh yes I knew)
that you had those scissors right there
in your pocket.
And could pull them out whenever you
felt like it.

You have so many sets of strings wrapped
up in your stupid frikin' fingers.
I wish I could take those shiny scissors and
cut
your
fingers
OFF!!
Like you've cut away so many fragile strings before.

Sometimes

Sometimes I want to be with you
Sometimes it hurts to know you're with her
Sometimes I wish that girl was me

I want to be the one you hug
The one you kiss
The only girl on your mind.
I want to be the one you want to be with.

You're always on my mind
Wandering around like you belong in there.
Filling every thought with your presence.

Sometimes I wish you would just let me be!

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time there was a mighty army.
A mighty army of great strength and courage.
A more impressive army the world has never seen.
They, with the mental and moral strength to
Persevere brought about many miracles.
They had trust and love in their Superiors,
Obedience without question.
They were diligent in all things commanded them.

The cry of “Never, never, never give up” filled
Their ranks.
When the path became steeper
One step at a time they did push onward.
They did strive to meet their goal.

Fear and uncertainty are replaced by our most
Powerful source of courage.
They doubt not, they fear not,
They face the Foe head on.
The promise that their Lord will not fail
Then fills their view.

Once upon a time promises something.
Great adventure, true love, sorrow, pain and overcoming.
Once upon a time promises adversity.
Once upon a time promises a happily ever after.

This mighty army is that of strong, valiant,
Virtuous young women.
Sent forth at this time to stand in righteousness
Next to our worthy priesthood holders.

We are elect ladies.
Literally royal daughters
Born to be queens.

Look into the mirror of eternity.
See yourself as your Father sees you.
Deep beauty comes through emulating Christ.
Deep beauty shines from the inside out.
Deep beauty is the only beauty that matters.
The only beauty that lasts.

We, the elect women of the Lord must
Never, never, never give up.
We go through trials and adversity
Because it is said opposition in all things.
We can choose to become stronger and
Experience joy through that great all-knowing
Teacher – Affliction
We must not only endure it but endure it well.
We can find rest in the Lord.

We, the rising generation must look with
Faith down the straight and narrow.

We will find our Happily Ever After
By reaching our Eternal Goal.

Fade to Black

Slowly the colors mix.
Once clear lines begin to soften,
Becoming unfocused. 

That's how the days pass,
Always looking forward to the future,
Never reveling in the present.
Leaving the past un-lived.

Bleeding colors going neutral.
No longer distinct.
Any lines have disappeared completely...

And then our days are gone.
Enveloped in that darkness we
Create for ourselves.

Life Is

Life is Experience

Life is a time for us to learn and grow.
After all, we are "Gods in Embryo".
We go through so much because of what
Life is but through Him we can Overcome.
Through Him we can Become.
Life is given to us by Their love.

Life Eternal

Embers

The Embers of my heart smolder softly
That Flame that once was now diminished
But the Embers remain.
The Embers of great feeling.

Somehow that flame was lit so quickly.
The fuel to the fire burned out so fast.
But the Embers remain.
The Embers of my love.

If new Fuel, better fuel, were to be added...
Would that great Flame come to life again?
Licking away the Edges
Turning them into Ash Dust.
Yet unable to eat away the Core.

Still only the Embers remain.

The intensity of Glowing heat flickering across my heart.

Double Edged Sword

A Knight with his trusted sword roams the land.
So fine, So solid, So impressive.
Accurately and gracefully the weapon and Its Master
Melt into one.
One will, One purpose, One power.
They become united, majestic and strong with the
Ability to protect or destroy.

Beautiful, gentle, and fragile, waits a bud just
About to Bloom.
Naive and trusting this fair Maiden
Lives simply knowing nothing more.

Perchance they meet and grow attached, realizing
There is much more to life than they thought before.
Her beauty shines forth in full bloom.
His face glowing with great pride in this Treasure
He has found.
Everyone can see their love.

They last in Joy for an untold time.
But, as all good things are, it was too good to be true.
What they had comes undone and flies away on
Vicious wings.
Broken hearted and torn apart they are no longer one
But two separate souls ripped to pieces.

Soon enough the Knight has found another sweet
Maid to give his heart.

The poor withered Maiden, forgotten, watches the
New happy couple and experiences even more
Pain than she had before
She is stabbed through her already
Broken and Bleeding heart with that
Same sword that once protected her.

Thrown away

This is always how it goes....
You make me happy.
You make me feel loved.
You make me feel wanted.
And then you drop me like a rock.
Is it that you get bored with me?
Is it that I'm just not what you thought you wanted?
As soon as you find something better you're gone.
As soon as you get what you wanted you're gone.

It makes me wonder if they realize...
If they realize that drastic harm brought upon me.
Upon my self-esteem.
My views of self-worth.
Everyone does it...
Boys, friends, everyone.
I guess I'm just meant to feel
Thrown away

Voices

(Writers note: All words striked through are over emphasized harshly, all words italicized are said with a false convincing and deceiving tone, all words striked through and italicized are sickly sweet with underlying harsh tones)

Gall... They're so annoying.
All of them... All those other
People. Why do they always try
To control you? Try to tell you
What to do? Is there something
Wrong with them, or is there
Something wrong with you?

Is there something wrong with
You?

You'll do what you want when
You want. At least that's what you
Try to tell yourself. But you
Know that's not true. You'll do
Anything to avoid conflict.
Anything to make others
Happy. You're WEAK!

Seriously, is there something
Wrong with you?

You think you're so high and
Mighty, but you're not. It's
Just so easy for you to make
Mistakes. You're so easy
To break!

There's gotta be something
Wrong with you!

There's so much wrong with
You, you don't even know!
 But I guess it's OK because
Somehow people STILL manage to
Love you. Remember those
Same people can't be trusted.
There's no way to Prove
Them. So you're pretty much gonna
Be hurt no matter what you
Do. You might as well
Learn to get over it. Or better
Yet, turn from them. Turn to me.
Turn to us.
Protect yourself. It'll work,
We promise. You can always 
Trust us, I know you better
Than anyone else does. We know
You better. I know
What's best for you. We know
What's best for you. I promise.

Good girl, good girl. Remember, I am
The only one you can trust.
We are the only ones you can trust.

Do you know?

Do you know you make my heart jump?
Do you know you make my mind race?
Do you know you make my stomach do flips?
You make me smile so big I fear my
Face'll stick like that.
But that's OK because they say a girl is
Always prettiest when she smiles.

Do you know I was expecting you to say you couldn't come?
Do you know I was expecting a conversation like the one that happened that night?
Do you know I lost respect for not only you but myself as well?
I tried to convince myself you were different because
I wanted you to be.
But you are just like all the others.

I want to believe in you again.
You say you want to prove to me you're worth it,
You want it...
Well start proving.
Help me regain that respect for you.
Please bring back that New Crush Feeling

Billet-doux (in french just because it looks cooler)

Cher Vous,
Mon Amour ce jour-ci j'écris à vous tout les vœux les plus profonds de mon coeur.
Je ne sais pas comment exprimer dans les mots combien je me soucie profondément .
Mais j'essaierai et vous aiderai à voir votre grande valeur et
Le sens dans ma vie.

Vous êtes l'as de coeurs et vous avez capturé le mien.
Le fait de penser à vous fait mon coeur faire quelques méchants mouvements de gymnaste,
Je ne saurais pas même comment commencer à appeler.
Vous avez attrapé mon attention
Vous avez tourné ma tête.
Vous êtes les seuls que je veux par mon côté.

Ma vie a été changée maintenant que vous y êtes entrés.
Vous me faites vouloir être quelqu'un noble de votre amour et
Je l'aime.
Vous me faites mieux.

Nous sommes la paire parfaite.
Le match parfait.
Avez-vous entendu des amis intimes ?
Bien j'ai trouvé le mien.

Avec tout nous avons été par, vous avez été mon soutien, mon ancre.
Vous m'aimez pour que je suis et n'ai jamais essayé de me changer.
Toutes mes idiosyncrasies sont attrayantes dans vos yeux.

Mon désir le plus profond consiste en ce que vous serez toujours les miens.
Je vous celui ai donnés qui est le plus précieux avant tout,
Mon vrai amour, mon coeur, mon affection éternelle et soin.
Et avant tout je vous ai donnés quelqu'un qui ira faire
Soyez toujours là.
Qui vous soutiendra dans tout que vous faites.
Je vous suis consacré de chaque façon simple.
L'amour est la seule façon de décrire le sentiment que j'ai pour vous
Mais même qui n'est pas assez.

Amour,
Moi

P.S. Saint-Valentin Heureuse :)

Billet-doux

Dear You,
My Love this day I write to you all the deepest wishes of my heart.
I do not know how to express in words how much I deeply care.
But I will try and help you see your great worth and
Meaning in my life.

You are the ace of hearts and you have captured mine.
Thinking of you makes my heart do some wicked gymnast moves,
I wouldn't even know how to begin to name.
You have caught my attention
You have turned my head.
You are the only one I want by my side.

My life has been changed now that you've entered it.
You make me want to be someone worthy of your love and
I love it.
You make me better.

We are  the perfect pair.
The perfect match.
Have you heard of soulmates?
Well I found mine.

With all we've been through, you've been my support, my anchor.
You love me for who I am and never tried to change me.
All my idiosyncrasies are attractive in your eyes.

My deepest wish is that you will always be mine.
I have given you that which is most precious above all,
My true love, my heart, my undying affection and care.
And most of all I have given you someone who will
Always be there.
Who will support you in everything you do.
I am devoted to you in every single way.
Love is the only way to describe the feeling I have for you
But even that is not enough.

Love,
Me

P.S. Happy Valentine's day :)

My Letter to You and My Response

Dear You,

I wish I could tell you I love you, I wish I could tell you I care.

I thought you cared once... Why don't you now?

I wish I could honestly give you that feeling you wish I had there.

How could your feelings change so drastically in such a short amount of time?

There's nothing between us and there never will be

You said you loved me... Where did that go? 

Get over it

I can't get over it. I can't move on. 

Move on

It hurts too much

Forget that there ever was a "you and me" 

We used to be so amazing together, what happened?

You may say I'm a jerk, you may hate me, you may never want to see me again..

You're a jerk but I don't hate you...

But you're just a stupid girl so what should I care?

I need your friendship even if I can't have your love

I never needed you

You lied about how you felt?

I just toyed with your heart  

You played with my emotions!!

"Now it's broken" you say...

My heart is shattered...

Well you never should have let me have it in the first place

I trusted you to keep it safe

This isn't my fault, it's yours

You ruined everything

I'm not really sorry

You were never sorry

There's nothing left to say 

That was just a word to you

There was no meaning behind it and I could tell

These are the words that came out when I hurt you

You hurt me so badly but I am stronger for it

But I lied

I know you never really loved me

I was trying to protect myself

I don't know how anyone could be so selfish

I was afraid to let you get too close

I will never trust you again

I wanted you to believe I never loved you

How can I believe anything you say? 

The truth is I loved you more than anything 

First I tried to console you

I didn't need consolation, you only made it worse

But that just made me love you more

I don't care how you feel anymore

So I had to separate myself completely to feel justified in what I'd done 

I don't know how anyone could be so cruel

You're beautiful and amazing

I can't believe your words

I'm so sorry I ever left

You made me feel so worthless

I regret what I've said,

If you really want my trust you'll have to work for it

What I've done,

You'll have to prove it

Anything that caused you pain

I just don't understand

Can you ever forgive me? 

I will forgive you because it will help me heal

Love,

    Me

My Response

I thought you cared once... Why don't you now?
How could your feelings change so drastically in such a short amount of time?

You said you loved me... Where did that go?
I can't get over it... I can't move on
It hurts too much.
We used to be so amazing together. What happened?

You're a jerk but I don't hate you...
I need your friendship even if I can't have your love.
You lied about how you felt?
You played with my eomtions!
My heart is shattered...
I trusted you to keep it safe.
You ruined everything

You were never sorry.
That was just a word to you.
There was no meaning behind it and I could tell.

You hurt me so badly but I am stronger for it.
I know now you never really loved me.
I don't know how anyone could be so selfish.
I will never trust you again
How can I believe anything you've said.
I didn't need consolation, you only made it worse
I don't care how you feel anymore.
I don't know how anyone could be so cruel.

I can't believe your words.
You made me feel so worthless.
If you really want my trust you'll have to work for it
You'll have to prove it.
I will forgive you because it will help me heal.
I just don't understand.

My Letter to You

Dear You,

I wish I could tell you I love you. I wish I could tell you I care.

I wish I could honestly give you that feeling you wish I had there.

There's nothing between us and there never will be.

Get over it.

Move on.

Forget that there ever was a "you and me"

You may say I'm a jerk, you may hate me, you may never want to see me again...

But you're just a stupid girl, so what should I care?

I never needed you...

I just played with your heart.

"Now it's broken" you say...

Well you never should have let me have it in the first place.

This isn't my fault it's yours.

I'm not really sorry.

There's nothing left to say.

These are all the words that came out when I hurt you.

But I lied.

I was trying to protect myself...

I was afraid to let you get too close.

I wanted you to believe I never loved you.

The truth is I loved you more than anything.

First I tried to console you.

But that just made me love you more.

So I had to separate myself completely to feel justified in what I'd done.

You're beautiful and amazing.

I'm so sorry I ever left.

I regret what I've said,

What I've done.

Anything that caused you pain.

Can you ever forgive me?

Love,

Me

Secrets

Secrets keep and secrets stay.
Slowly wasting the day away.
Ripping at the tender heart.
And tearing at the delicate mind.
Things gone wrong and
Encouraged.
Why did they have
To happen that way?

I want to throw-up my
Feelings.
The ones that are
Making me
Physically ill.
But then all my
Secrets would
Spill.
For all to see.

"Where there's a will
There's a way" they say.
I wish I had the
Strength, the will,
The desire,
I want this pain to
Leave me.
But I can't do it alone.

I need You.
I need Your strength.
I need Your will
I need Your desire.
I need to come unto You.
You know all my secrets
And I am ashamed.
I don't know how I
Can stand before You now.
But I must.

Losing it

Losing it.
Losing you.
I thought I had
This figured out
But now there's
Nothing I can do.

They lasted so
Long, my feelings
For you...
Now they're gone.
And I know yours
Are too.

I don't know how
I should feel...
Relieved?
I guess I am.
But I'm also
A little confused.

A hole is left in my
Heart.
I spent so long
Digging it out for you.
I spent so long
Hanging on for you.

Now I'm not sure.
Not sure if I should be
Sad.
No I don't think so.
I feel somewhat empty
But I know I will
Figure it out.

You will always keep a
Special place in my heart.
Even if it's not one of love.

I realize you've moved
On and I don't even care
To who.
Because I know now that
We were never meant
To be.
Maybe she's the one
That will truly make
You happy.
I'm more than pleased
To say.

Because now
I can move on.

Now I can let
Myself be free.

Losing it.
Losing you.

Losing it.
Losing you.
It's ok.
I've done all
That I can do.

We'll just be friends.
And that's just fine.
I'm not used to it
But just give it time.

Losing it.
Losing you.

I've not lost you.
I've found a friend

Thinking

You've got me
Thinkin'
Thinkin' harder
Than I ever
Thought.
I don't know
How my brain
Holds it all.

Things that need to be
Thought.

Pulling out those
Thoughts that just
Wish to hide.
Bringing them
To a light they
Never wanted to see.

Things that need to be
Thought.
Things that need to be
Thought.
Things that need to be
Thought!!
Why?!

The Monster of Nightmare Island

The silence falls
Dim and weary
From above.
Empty, mind
Shattering screams
Hauntingly
Chill the
Bones.
Sending
Slivers of
Icy pain
Like bullets
Through the
Soul.

Every day
The mountain top
Joins evils of
Ones of old
To bring
Forth human
Sacrifice and
Tortures never
Told

The pain
Sears deep
And cuts right
Through
Feeble fragile
Consciousness

To take away
this life in
Utmost agony
And give it
To the beast
Of time and
Space and all
Eternity.
Supporting
Ancient rituals
Of incredible
Savagery
Keep this
World spinning
In dramatic
Apathy

The Human Experince

Everything is cloudy
And unclear.
The edges blur
Before our very eyes.
Distracted and
Confused by every
Morphed shape.
The colors begin to
Blend together
And we can no
Longer see.

The need to be
Seen through
The fog and
Heard through
The glass becomes
Overwhelming.
Surrounded by
People yet so
Far away.

Selfish and
Introverted
We've forgotten to
Remember.

Forgotten to
Remember
Others in our
Lives.
We no longer
See their
Pain or
Sorrow.
But only
Shadows of
Personality.

Do you feel it
Seeping through
Your skin?
You're becoming
Numb to others
And in turn
Yourself.

We must clear
That self-centered
Fog and tear
Down those
Wall of exclusion.
To fully understand
Ourselves,
Understand
Others

Lies lies

Lies lies they're all lies
Dancing around this
Shadowed sky.
The inky shell of shadow
Bugs
Absorb light of
Deepening dusk.
Never to return
A radiance
Dissipating among
The swarm.

Empty empty so very empty
A miserable city.
Slinking in a place so dark
This emptiness binds and
Tears apart.

Cold cold everything is cold
Swirling through this
Hapless night.
Long silver fingers spindle
Thin
Touch those souls
Left behind.
Inching across the
Restless mind.

This trap set and silent.
Waiting.

Lies lies dancing
Through the
Blackened skies.