Now I know

Left out
Now I know
Pushed out
Now I know
Excluded
Now I know
Lonely
Now I know
Unsure
Now I Know
In the dark
Now I Know
Confused
Now I know

Abandoned

All these feelings
I've felt before...
But never in
Quite this way.
It's new,
It's hard,
It's uncomfortable.
It seems to have
Already been
Played out

Standing next to me
You're somewhere else
Something's missing

Maybe it's my
Attitude...
How I choose to
React.
Maybe I should
Get over it...
That won't work.
Maybe I should
Talk about it...
But I don't
Trust you anymore

Lack of trust
Lack of trust
Lack of trust
It causes such a
Vicious cycle

The Darkness

A deep, dark,
Dismal shadow
Hauntingly
Seeps across the
Ground.
A large oil spill
Suffocating as
It spreads.
Choking out
Everything that
Lies in it's
Path.
The pain of death
Comes sickly
Slow.

Drowning out all
Light and
Hope.

Images of the
Past,
Silent stalkers
In the night.
Only emerging
When all
Other
Distraction is
Gone.
Flashing through
The mind like a
Silent picture show.
Bringing back all the
Pain, stupidity, and
Loneliness of
Decisions made

These mistakes
I've made.
These ghosts won't
Leave me.

I try to walk a path
To where I can live without
Regrets.
But these shadows from the
Past still follow me through life.


I wish I could forget

I wish I could forget

I wish I could

Forget

Stepping Aside

Is this something
I should do?
Let things come
Between me and
You?
I am in great
Conflict.
I don't know.

I feel like
Someone else is
Trying to take
"My" place.
I feel left out
And sometimes
Ignored.
Pushed out...
It's hard...
So hard.

When you're
With that
Special
Someone
All you can
Think about is
Them.
People have done
This before,
Let me go,
And I've always
Stepped aside.
Always given up.

But now I'm tired.
Mentally and emotionally,
Sometimes, just sometimes,
I wish I could win.
I wish I could get what
I want.

I want to take this
Path.
One step at a time.
But it seems like
There are too
Many heard steps
Ahead.
One way or another
Life moves on and
I must force
Myself to walk.

I gave up but
I wish I would
Win.
Just once I wish
I could win....

Drama

Hard,
Painful,
And stupid,
Right?
Yes.
All bad,
Right?
Not quite.

People that
Cause drama
Only hurt
Themselves.

But others
Have drama
Thrust upon
Them and
Try to solve it.
When handled
Well these things
Make us strong.
Every little fight
And misunderstanding
Help us learn.
Help us realize
How to treat others
As they would
Want to be
Treated.

Lies

Spiraling,
Building,
And escalating
Out of control.
Becoming
Something it's
Not meant to be.
Hurting feelings
And destroying
Trust.

That little five
Letter word...
So hard to
Build.
So easy to
Destroy.

Rebuilding
Becomes even
More difficult.
Shattered
Pieces must be
Found.
New things must
Be added.
But it will never
Be the same.
Taking the form of
Something new.
Hopefully it will be
Just as beautiful as
Before.

A Continuation

He loves me,
He loves me not.
She was torn and
Tired,
He loves me,
He loves me not.
Broken and bare.

And innocence
Replaced by
Knowledge and
Maybe even
Wisdom.

She grew up,
Became stronger.
But an unknown
Emptiness lingered.

That thing that
Ripped her apart
Now the thing
Holding her together

Now she can run and
Jump and play.
Just like the other
Kids on the
Playground.

An emptiness filled

She thought she had
Found the perfect
Friend.
Always there to
Play pretend.
Always there to
Laugh with.
A friend better
Than all the rest.

Then a terrible
Storm came and
Whisked her friend
Away.

The other kids
Were amazed and
Surprised by this
Sudden tempest.
They shared their
Toys and games
Trying to cheer
The saddened
Little girl.

She made some
New friends,
Good friends,
And maybe
Even the best.

When the storm
Subsided her
Friend came
Back on those
Fickle winds.

Things are
Different.
Trusts broken,
Pain caused,
And anger still
Remaining.
She's not
Prepared for the
Reparations
To be made.

She is young and
Inexperienced.
Fighting her way
Through the devastation
Caused on her
Pretty little park.
This friend no longer
The best.
Now she is lost.
Not knowing how to
Feel.

He's my friend,
Is he not?
A new take on that
He's my friend,
Is he not?
Childhood game.

He's my friend,
Is he not?
The overshadowing
He's my friend,
Is he not?
Cloud of doubt
He's my friend,
Is he not?
And emptiness
He's my friend,
Is he not?
Remains.

My One True Friend

You were my one true friend
The one person that
Always made me feel
Safe and loved.
I've never felt that
Connection with anyone
Before.


You made me so
Happy.
Not because I was
In love with you
But because I love you.
And I felt that
Love returned.
Even if you didn't
Express it often.

I had a stability
In you.
A friendship that
Was meant to be.

But, through unexpressed
Insecurity, I ruined it.
And now I hate myself
For causing both
Of us so much pain.

I still don't fully
Understand the situation...
But it becomes more
Clear to me as time
Goes on.

I realize I screwed up,
Messed up,
And ruined things...
But now I want to do
Everything I can to
Fix them.

That one true friend
I had and lost
Means more to me
Than anything
Else

I'm so sorry.
These words sound so
Cliche and over used.
They come no where
Close to expressing
What I feel.
But it is the only thing
I can think of to
Describe this feeling
Of regret and
Loneliness.

I hope you can forgive me

Letting Go ( you know where to find me)

We were once good friends.
We spent so much time
Growing closer.
I feel so hard.
I thought I wanted to be
With you forever.
But I'm sick of waiting.
Sick of hanging by
You little string.

We've just grown apart
Despite all my efforts.
I guess I wanted to believe.
I guess I was just in denial.
So now it's time.
I must move on
And have already.
Do you really want
My friendship?
It no longer seems you
Even want to talk to me...
It hurts me more than
I can say...
But I want to be free.
So now I must let
You go.

When you want to be
My friend again you
Know where to find me.

This New Crush Feeling

So Fun,
So Fast,
So Exhilarating.
The butterflies
Going wild
Every time I see you,
Hear your voice,
And every time we touch.
My stomach leaps
My heart soars
And I'm excited for every
Single day because
It's just one more
Chance to be with you.

I can't stop smiling.
I can't stop laughing.
I feel so light,
So happy
That I just
Want to dance.
This is something
Fresh.
Something I haven't
Felt in a while.
I can't wait to be
With you again.

I love this new crush feeling!

Broken Friendships and Broken Hearts

Miscommunication, Misunderstanding
We haven't known each other long enough
We just didn't click
But even he didn't expect this out of you

I was in a similar position at one time
I wonder if I acted the same...
My point of view is very different now
I see that it never was worth it.
I wonder if you'll ever see

Possessive, resentful, and angry...
Is it frustration or something more?
A side never seen before
Manipulative and scheming

You disliked our friendship
You feel I'm trying to take him from you
You were accepting until I "interfered" with
Your agenda
You don't want to understand
You put all the blame on me

Two friendships ruined and it's
Not my fault.
Something simple became too
Complicated.
Pain has been inflicted on all involved.
You're not the victim here

I tried to be there for you
I thought you trusted me
But all along you hated me.
You lied when I asked.
I tried to give you support
And you jumped to conclusions.
Assumed things.
Didn't even talk to me.

You say I'm two faced
Selfish.
Really do you see?
Do you try to understand?
You closed off and
Shut me out.
What do you expect from me?
Do you want me to give him up?
Change for you?
Someone I hardly even know?
Who is selfish now?
Who is two faced now?

I did nothing to change his mind.
He liked you for you
But then
You changed
You showed a side he had never
Seen before.
You changed his mind for him.

You broke your own heart
And your own friendships.
You're not the only one that's
Been hurt.