Secrets

Secrets keep and secrets stay.
Slowly wasting the day away.
Ripping at the tender heart.
And tearing at the delicate mind.
Things gone wrong and
Encouraged.
Why did they have
To happen that way?

I want to throw-up my
Feelings.
The ones that are
Making me
Physically ill.
But then all my
Secrets would
Spill.
For all to see.

"Where there's a will
There's a way" they say.
I wish I had the
Strength, the will,
The desire,
I want this pain to
Leave me.
But I can't do it alone.

I need You.
I need Your strength.
I need Your will
I need Your desire.
I need to come unto You.
You know all my secrets
And I am ashamed.
I don't know how I
Can stand before You now.
But I must.

Losing it

Losing it.
Losing you.
I thought I had
This figured out
But now there's
Nothing I can do.

They lasted so
Long, my feelings
For you...
Now they're gone.
And I know yours
Are too.

I don't know how
I should feel...
Relieved?
I guess I am.
But I'm also
A little confused.

A hole is left in my
Heart.
I spent so long
Digging it out for you.
I spent so long
Hanging on for you.

Now I'm not sure.
Not sure if I should be
Sad.
No I don't think so.
I feel somewhat empty
But I know I will
Figure it out.

You will always keep a
Special place in my heart.
Even if it's not one of love.

I realize you've moved
On and I don't even care
To who.
Because I know now that
We were never meant
To be.
Maybe she's the one
That will truly make
You happy.
I'm more than pleased
To say.

Because now
I can move on.

Now I can let
Myself be free.

Losing it.
Losing you.

Losing it.
Losing you.
It's ok.
I've done all
That I can do.

We'll just be friends.
And that's just fine.
I'm not used to it
But just give it time.

Losing it.
Losing you.

I've not lost you.
I've found a friend

Thinking

You've got me
Thinkin'
Thinkin' harder
Than I ever
Thought.
I don't know
How my brain
Holds it all.

Things that need to be
Thought.

Pulling out those
Thoughts that just
Wish to hide.
Bringing them
To a light they
Never wanted to see.

Things that need to be
Thought.
Things that need to be
Thought.
Things that need to be
Thought!!
Why?!

The Monster of Nightmare Island

The silence falls
Dim and weary
From above.
Empty, mind
Shattering screams
Hauntingly
Chill the
Bones.
Sending
Slivers of
Icy pain
Like bullets
Through the
Soul.

Every day
The mountain top
Joins evils of
Ones of old
To bring
Forth human
Sacrifice and
Tortures never
Told

The pain
Sears deep
And cuts right
Through
Feeble fragile
Consciousness

To take away
this life in
Utmost agony
And give it
To the beast
Of time and
Space and all
Eternity.
Supporting
Ancient rituals
Of incredible
Savagery
Keep this
World spinning
In dramatic
Apathy

The Human Experince

Everything is cloudy
And unclear.
The edges blur
Before our very eyes.
Distracted and
Confused by every
Morphed shape.
The colors begin to
Blend together
And we can no
Longer see.

The need to be
Seen through
The fog and
Heard through
The glass becomes
Overwhelming.
Surrounded by
People yet so
Far away.

Selfish and
Introverted
We've forgotten to
Remember.

Forgotten to
Remember
Others in our
Lives.
We no longer
See their
Pain or
Sorrow.
But only
Shadows of
Personality.

Do you feel it
Seeping through
Your skin?
You're becoming
Numb to others
And in turn
Yourself.

We must clear
That self-centered
Fog and tear
Down those
Wall of exclusion.
To fully understand
Ourselves,
Understand
Others

Lies lies

Lies lies they're all lies
Dancing around this
Shadowed sky.
The inky shell of shadow
Bugs
Absorb light of
Deepening dusk.
Never to return
A radiance
Dissipating among
The swarm.

Empty empty so very empty
A miserable city.
Slinking in a place so dark
This emptiness binds and
Tears apart.

Cold cold everything is cold
Swirling through this
Hapless night.
Long silver fingers spindle
Thin
Touch those souls
Left behind.
Inching across the
Restless mind.

This trap set and silent.
Waiting.

Lies lies dancing
Through the
Blackened skies.

Just Be

I wish I could just be me
Not putting on any masks
Or smiles.
I'm happy being a spaz.
I'm happy being a loner.
I'm happy being a tease.
I'm happy being a friend.
I'm happy being all of these.
They are all different parts of me.

Sometimes I just wanna
Be hyper.
No I don't have mental
Problems.
No this isn't always me.
I just wanna play

Sometimes I just wanna
Be alone.
No I'm not sad.
No there is nothing wrong.
I just wanna be alone.

Sometimes I just wanna
Flirt.
No I'm not a slut.
No I'm not easy.
It's just for fun.

I always wanna be a
Friend.
No I'm not a fake.
No I won't try to hurt you.
I'm here to support you.
Just don't drag me down.

I'm happy being all of these.
But sometimes I don't know
Who I am.
Or what I want.
Even then I am me.

The Funeral

Decrepit, crooked, and withered
The last few hours waning nigh
It will come to a close.
The preparations already
Beginning.
Shutters being drawn.
Doors being closed.
Slowly all becomes silent.

But the old year does not
Die alone.
Boisterous celebrations
Accompany the heavy
Casket to the
Grave.
The weight of pain
The weight of sin
The weight of mistakes made
Falling into the gaping hole of
The past.
Letting go and moving on.

In comes the fresh
The new
And the un-spotted.
A clean slate to rewrite
The future.
A time to recommit
Reinvent
And remake
Yourself.

I am letting go
Of that which
Broke me.
I am embracing
That which
Strengthens me.

That's How Life Goes

Anger
Love
Sadness
Compassion
So many emotions
Swirling in and
Out of our lives,
Minds, and hearts.

Different situations
Bring out different
Sides of a multi-surfaced
Creature.
Such delicate forms of
The human mind
Becoming apparent
Through the
Experiences we have.

All our choices and actions
Are cumulative to an end.
We can give, take, reject advice.
Or even ignore it as a whole.
But in the end our thoughts
Achievements and even our
Failures bring about that
End.
That person we're meant to be.

Things will be thrown at us.
Things we never expected.
But that's how life goes.

People are so quick to
Judge.
Quick to assuming.
Quick to make a mold
For everyone to fit in.
But there's always
Something more.
Something deeper.
Things you'll never
See.
Unless you're willing
To get close.
Unless you're willing
To listen.

You can tell, with some
People,
If they have had a hard life.
Some people trials show on
Their face.
In their attitude.
In the way they treat life.
But others may seem perfect.
Like they've never been hurt.
These people certainly do know
Pain.
They are strong enough to not
Let it weigh them down.

It is hard to be strong.
Hard to put up with all the
Pain.
All the petty promises.
All the experiences that
Force you to grow.
Bitterness and anger
From the small tiffs and
From the real problems.
From family life.
From teenage drama.
All of it adds to the load.
But that's how life goes.

The strongest are those
That can still be happy.
And that's how life is lived.

I'm Not Yours

I'm not yours to
Hold.
I'm not yours to
Keep.
I'm not yours
Forever.

I can always
Make you happy.
And fill all your
Sweetest dreams.
But I'm not yours
Forever.
Not even while you
Sleep.

You return the
Favor.
Make me smile
When I need it
Most.

But I can never
Feel that way.

You're one of my
Best friends and
I love you more
Than almost all
Others.

But I can never
Feel that way.

I want to be the
One.
The one you call
Your own.
I know I could
Treat you right
And make you
Feel at home.
I know I could
Be the best
You've ever had

But I can never
Feel that way.
I'm not yours to
Hold.
I'm not yours to
Keep.
I'm not yours
Forever.
Not even while you
Sleep.

I am meant for
someone else...
I may not have
Found him yet.
But I know he is
Out there waiting.
The one that will
Hold my heart
And keep it safe
From harm.
The one that will
Hold me in his arms
Forever.
Sheltered, certain,
Calm.

I know you'll
Find that girl
Though you
Think that I'm
The one.
She's out there
Waiting for you.
To have you for
Her own.

I'll always be
Here for you.
Always be
Your friend.
I care about you
Deeply.
But I can not
Pretend.